While walking along the sea, I got an impulse.

I wanted to do something with my hair, as the chemotherapy was inevitable. I would loose my hair anyway. I wanted to do something with it myself, before it happens.

I met Aija Ūdentiņa, whom I discovered is not only an outstanding master, but also an incredibly considerate person to talk to. Aija allowed me to feel myself in different looks that I would hardly have dared to in other circumstances, and to experience all kinds of emotions, both going back to the past and taking steps where I never thought I would go.

In these episodes, shot between my surgery and the course of chemotherapy, Aija is cutting my hair and we talk.

Episode 1

It is time to say good-bye 56 min.

Our first acquaintance, conversations about appearance. Aija reveals her observations about people’s desire to emphasize important life changes with changing their hairstyles. Haircut - kare. Kare has been my basic cut most of my childhood. This choice – a symbolic return to childhood, a new starting point. Recording 27/04/2020.

Episode 2

Zināms nemiers 42 min.

Conversations about femininity. Lots of moments of silence. Haircut – bowl. One of my childhood haircuts, which made many often confuse me for a boy. Call it my trauma that I look straight in the eyes this time. Recording 27/04/2020.

Episode 3

No need to hide anything 47 min.

I finally revealed to Aija everything that had happened to me. I would tell about the diagnosis, the surgery and my thoughts before the upcoming chemotherapy. About how my children perceive the disease. Cut - short pixie. The haircut that made me feel like a little boy when I was a teenager. Recording 28/04/2020.

Episode 4

Well, it’s also not bad 15 min.

I’m crying and laughing. I break down, not due to the lost hair, but in the face of the inevitable reality and my fears. Haircut – 9 mm. I will have this haircut for the first time in my life. My preparation for chemotherapy-induced alopecia. Recording 28/04/2020.

My first meeting with Aija after recovery.

Episode 5

A year later 53 min.

Our first meeting now, when I have hair again. I’ve experienced so much during this time and I want to say a lot. I am a bit anxious. Haircut – a year later. Recording 07/04/2021.

Let’s talk?

Maybe you have something to say now. Maybe you or one of your relatives is going through a similar experience right now – if you are willing, drop me a line.

paula[at]pastroksni.lv